i want...

i want my life to go back to normal, with the problems i could handle, with the friends i could handle. when i knew what to expect everyday, when i didn't feel like crying all the time, when i didn't feel like i was 16 all over again, where there were points in my day that i didn't feel like a complete loser. when i could get that hug that always made me feel better.
i've been lying... i'm miserable here. i wanted people to think i made the right choice when all a long i knew i'd never make it here emotionally. but now i can't leave. i can't afford it. there's no way i can make back home what i make here and afford the life i need in order to go back to school. i know what i have to do, i just don't want to. can't we just fast forward 10 years? i just want to see if all this suffering is worth it... i promise i'll go back and live through it... please?