change...

i've been in nashville now for almost 2 months and i'm surprised almost everyday at how much i truly am changing. i'd like to think that all the changes i'm making are for the best. i have had to make some very serious and personal decisions that were in no sense of the word easy to make. but i suppose in order to get what you want you have to make some sacrifices. but i think i've spent too much time dreaming and talking about all the things i want to accomplish, that its about time to put my foot down and do what i have to do in order to make myself the person i always dreamed i could be. the person i know i can be.
i've decided to quit smoking, for real this time, i know it won't be easy, but i have faith in myself and a support group of people who love and care for me to help me through the harder times that will no doubt be ever present in the weeks to come. my alcohol intake is at an all time low, so thats a good thing too. i plan to start my workout schedule tomorrow after work and like i said before, school in a few months.
so many other things have changed that its very difficult to fully wrap my head around everything that is going on, and along with that, put it into words.
still can't say i'm happy, along with a change in direction comes a change in problems. i never thought that i was running away from california, though some may disagree, the reasons i left california are still present in one way or another and along with realizing my dreams here i am doing my best to work out and through the issues i left behind.
i never expected life to be easy, no matter where i was, but i can see that here, my life seems to be more in order, making it easier to take a step back and analyze everything more carefully, put everything in perspective.
in the last few weeks i've felt like i'm in high school all over again. sometimes its been a good thing and others i've felt lost and alone, leading me to pick up my pen and paper again, i've written more in the last 2 months than i think i have in the last 3 years. for those of you who know me that has always been an outlet for me. i have written about happiness, sadness, uncertainty and hope, i've also decided to really set out to write the book that i always wanted to write. with this grand change has come some grand inspiration. i haven't written much, but i have the outline in my head, i just need to get it in order, though it does look promising.
i'm just a shadow of who i use to be and i like it...